


Here In Your Arms

by Theonewhosawitall



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Whump, Give the man a break already, His arms not in a sling because i full on forgot it was, Hotels, Hurt Steve McGarrett, I'm Bad At Titles, M/M, Pre-Slash, Protective Danny "Danno" Williams, Spooning, Steve McGarrett Needs a Hug, Title from a Hellogoodbye song, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:20:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29369886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theonewhosawitall/pseuds/Theonewhosawitall
Summary: Coda for Season 10 Episode 7. After Doris dies Steve struggles to process what he saw and then Danny turns up in his hotel room
Relationships: Steve McGarrett/Danny "Danno" Williams
Comments: 5
Kudos: 129
Collections: McDanno26





	Here In Your Arms

Danny licked his lips and took a long, deep breath. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect on the other side of this door, but it wouldn’t be good. It couldn't be. Nothing was ever good when Steve's mother was involved and even now that she was dead...

Danny set his shoulders back and knocked.

Steve was still in SEAL mode. It was hardly a surprise. Having been holed up for weeks and weeks all on his own, Steve was on high alert and still defending himself. It took a long time to shake that. Some people never fully managed to. Danny watched the light shifting under the door as Steve crept up to it. He stayed still so that Steve would be able to see him clearly through the peep hole.

The hotel door flew open and Steve stared at Danny. His face was so full of suspicions and accusations, like he couldn't believe that it was actually him. As far as he was aware Danny was in Hawaii. But Danny wasn’t about to leave _Junior_ to deal with Steve. Not now. Not after this.

Danny forced a smile. "Hiya."

"What are you doing in Washington?"

Steve's voice was still raspy. Danny could only imagine the weight on his chest, aching against his vocal chords. When he killed Marcos and lost his brother in the same day it was like an anvil in his chest.

"I just want to make sure you make it back to Hawaii, that's all," Danny shrugged.

Steve gave a soft scoff. "That makes sense."

Steve could read Danny like a book. There was no reason for him to be here. He didn’t even have a good excuse. And as much as Steve wanted to be alone, alone with Danny always felt better.

"Come in."

Steve didn’t bother to hold to the door open for him. Danny wandered inside on his own. "Thanks."

Steve went for the mini bar to find beers for the two of them to drink. Danny found a letter on the table addressed to Doris. It had been left open. Danny had no doubt that Steve had been staring at it for hours.

" _Thank you for your past and present service to our country and your unyielding commitment to national security_. Wow."

Steve grumbled. Danny didn't need to be a Detective to see how bitter he was about this. He couldn't blame him. After everything his mother had lost, for them to just write a thank you note - it was galling. Steve held out a beer to him.

"Thanks."

Steve sat down on the couch and Danny sat on the chair opposite him. Steve heaved a sigh. He knew Danny was going to say something. Danny was always so full of words. His family taught him to let them all out. Steve's didn't. He didn't know how to. But he knew Danny wasn’t about to let this pass by without making him talk.

"Well, big score for the DEA. Two tons of cocaine will not be hitting the streets now 'cause of you," Danny said.

"Yeah, I heard," Steve scoffed. None of that mattered anymore. Not to him.

Danny's head dipped slightly. "I'm sorry about your mom, Steve."

Steve closed his eyes at the pain it sent though him. He _knew_ Danny. Danny had never liked Doris. Not from the moment she stepped out of that plane with snide comments about someone calling her mom like it was something she deserved even after what she had done. If he was sorry, it was because of the pain she had caused, not because she was gone.

"Thank you," Steve muttered 

Danny clenched his jaw to hold in his opinions. They were not needed right now. They wouldn't help anything. So instead, he stuck to the facts.

"The Bureau, they, uh, they retrieved her laptop and her cell phone. Turns out she had opened three accounts in Zurich. Um one of 'em, under the name Joanie McGarrett, had half a million dollars in it, U.S. And the other two were for you and your sister. Didn't have any money in 'em yet. Uh... guess that's what this whole thing was about. Making sure you guys were set up financially."

Steve's eyes slipped down towards the letter again, but his gaze was too soft to take anything in. Danny hated seeing him like this. Steve was a hurricane trapped in a man. He was loud and wild and destructive and he drove Danny crazy trying to keep him on the right side of the law. Seeing him so quiet felt unnatural. He reached over to nudge his knee against Steve's gently.

"You okay?"

Steve's eyes moved back up to Danny's face for a moment. His frown was well hidden behind the unruly beard covering his chin. Danny didn’t need to see it to know it was there. He wanted to see it though. Steve - his Steve, the hurricane Steve was supposed to be - had stubble. He wasn’t clean cut like the sailor he once was, but he wasn’t feral like this.

God Danny missed his Steve.

Steve took a deep breath, "Define 'okay' for me."

Danny's head tilted sympathetically, "You know, at the end of the day, she was trying to do something good."

Steve scoffed again. His eyes fell. "Yeah. I just wish she realized all she had to do was get on an airplane and come home. You know?"

Pain ran across his chest like a wave across sand. It was a familiar ache. All too familiar. It had been inside of him every day since his mothers car crash. It had twisted so hard and so bitter inside him since he learned about Shelburne that he had forgotten this particular hurt. Now it was digging back in all over again, and this time it had barbs.

"From the minute that woman walked out of my life, the only thing I've ever wanted is to have her back in it..."

It sounded so simple. In some ways it was. She was his mother. She brought him into the world. He loved her. And she was just gone... for good this time. It didn't seem fair. His nightmares were haunted by this. They were filled with the horror of losing her again. And now he was living in them.

"So, am I okay? I don't know if I'm okay, but I do know that none of this is on our terms," Steve sighed.

Danny nudged him again. He knew what Steve was like. If Danny let him stop talking he would never let it out.

"None of what?" he asked.

Steve shrugged helplessly and shifted in his seat, "Life. We never really get to choose how it's gonna look. Only what we do with the information when we get it. This whole Five-O thing started with me burying my father. Then Joe White last year... Now my mother..."

Steve bowed his head and sniffed to try and blink back the tears edging into his eyes. He didn't even want to cry over her. _She pulled a gun on him_. Her own son.

"So I don't know how I feel, but I do know that we don't get life on our terms, Danny. It's life on life's terms or not at all."

Danny hummed in agreement. Steve stood up to walk out of their conversation. As he passed Danny his eye followed him and fell on the bed. Danny's body was aching. He was exhausted.

"Hey, Steve?"

Steve paused in the doorway of the bathroom and sighed heavily, "What?"

"The bed. That's-that's, uh that's big enough for two people, right?"

"No."

"I just I just did, uh, ten hours on a coach flight next to a mouth breather-"

"You're on the couch."

Danny grumbled but he didn't argue. Steve left the bathroom door open. Danny assumed it was a grief ridden mistake. He did his best to keep his eyes away from the door, but the mirror hanging on the wall was at just the right angle to see in. Curiosity got the better of him and he glanced at the mirror.

Steve was standing in front of the basin, digging through his bag to find something. He looked frustrated. Whatever it was he couldn't find it. Danny heard him muttering swear words as he tossed the bag aside. Steve stomped over to another, smaller bag he had left by the bed, and carried that into the bathroom instead. Danny frowned. He stood up to follow him.

"Everything okay?" Danny asked cautiously.

Steve hummed in confirmation as he yanked the leather sheaf off of a kabar while holding the handle as if he were about to stab someone.

He locked eyes with Danny for a moment as he stated, "Fine."

Danny's eyes widened in horror, "Whoa?! Okay- what- what are you doing?!"

Steve tossed the leather sheaf into his canvas bag and huffed in frustration when they both slipped off of the edge of the bath and onto the floor.

"I can't find my razor, I must have left it somewhere in that apartment," Steve spat.

"So your next logical step was a fucking knife?!" Danny raised his eyebrows at him.

Steve gave him an impatient look, "It's a blade Danny, its essentially the same thing-"

As he spoke Steve turned back to the mirror above the basin and raised his knife to his throat and Danny had a goddamn heart attack.

He threw his arms out frantically as he cried, "No- no o-okay, _stop!"_

Steve huffed. He gave Danny an unimpressed look in his reflection but Danny's eyes were solely on the knife. He had no idea what he could do to stop Steve being stupid, and the fear in his gut turned his insides to ice. The worst part about it was that Danny had deliberately left his electric razor at home so he would only have hand luggage to worry about. A choice he deeply regretted now.

Danny swallowed and tentatively turned his hand up towards Steve. "Let me help you."

Steve had no idea why Danny was suddenly behaving like Steve was a gunman holding a civilians hostage as a body shield. He was only trying to shave.

"I can shave my own face Danny-"

"You're still acting like a solider and holding a knife to your own throat Steve!" Danny hissed back. "After what you’ve been through you understand my worrying."

Steve's hand fell so the knife hit the basin and Danny's stomach dropped with it. They both happened so fast that he completely missed Steve rolling his eyes.

"I’m not about to kill myself Danny!" He spat impatiently.

"Then give me the knife!" Danny demanded.

Steve rolled his eyes again. He carelessly flipped the knife by the handle to catch it by the blade. Danny yelped slightly which gave Steve a mildly amused look as he offered the handle to Danny. Danny huffed. He took the knife.

"How am I gonna shave now?" Steve asked plainly.

Danny scowled at him, but gestured to the toilet. "Sit down. I'll do it for you."

Steve rolled his eyes. He closed the toilet lid and dropped down onto it. Danny let out a long breath as he looked down at the kabar. It had been a while since Danny shaved someone else's face for them, let alone with a blade like this, but he wasn't going to let that put him off.

"You got any shaving cream?" He asked.

"No Danny, I don't have a razor why would I have shaving cream?" Steve sighed plainly.

"Great, then we have to find an alternative because I'm not shaving _this_ dry," Danny said.

He gestured to the bushy beard hiding half of Steve's face. The longer he sat idle the more impatient Steve became. He gestured to the soap by the sink.

"Just use that then!" He huffed.

Danny was deeply unimpressed by Steve's current apathy. He wasn’t taking care of himself again. Last time he was like this and didn't have someone to take care of him, Danny ended up flying halfway across the world to help take revenge on a man by arresting him in front of his son, which lead to Jerry being shot by the mother, who was shot back, also in front of the son, who ended up in child services, fucked up for the rest of his life. Danny couldn't let anything like that happen again. Somebody had to take care of him.

"Soap takes off oil Steve. It'll make your skin feel dry and irritated and you don’t want that. Not right now," Danny said.

"Well excuse me Odell you’re looking different than normal," Steve said sarcastically.

Danny huffed back at him. Steve folded his arms and glared at Danny, challenging him to snap back. If he pushed hard enough, Danny would leave him. Just like his mother had. Just like his father had. Just like Joe had. Everyone else in his life had died in front of him. People he cared above, gone. And he was helpless to save them.

Except Catherine.

She walked away. Unharmed and alive. She chose to leave him and she lived because of it. If Steve pushed Danny he might follow her. He would be gone, but alive. It would be easier to deal with than losing him too. Especially when he was all he had left.

But Danny just leaned against the basin and looked down at Steve, like he had a dozen thoughts in his head, and bit his lip to keep them in. He glanced towards the door. Steve swallowed. His heart missed a beat as, for just a moment, he thought Danny was actually going to do it. That he was actually going to leave.

"I brought a travel sized bottle of my conditioner. I don't know how long we're gonna be here and I don’t want to use that on this-" Danny gestured to the 3-in-1 shampoo and shower gel mounted to the wall, and then to his hair.

Steve shifted slightly. He wasn't really sure that he was following the thread of this conversation anymore. His mind was far too cloudy to keep up with it.

"So?"

"So, as much as it pains me to waste my favourite conditioner on something like this, it's better if we use that," Danny explained.

"Your - your favourite conditioner?" Steve repeated.

"Yep. Softens the skin, lubricates the hair- as a bonus it'll take some of that dried blood off too," Danny said.

He gestured to his own face where the blood was on Steve's. Steve didn’t need him to, he knew already. He had passed his reflection plenty of times since the blood had splattered across him. It had dried there because he could bare to touch it. It was all that he had left of her now...

"It's not mine."

Danny swallowed. "I know."

There was a long, heavy pause before Danny stood up again and muttered something about being right back. Steve watched him go. Danny took the knife with him. It wasn’t that he didn't trust Steve with it, but... well it wasn’t worth the risk.

Danny came back within seconds of walking away. He showed Steve the small bottle of conditioner that he was going to use. It was smaller than his palm. The chances were that to coat all the hair Steve needed to shave off he was going to use about half of it. Steve's heart thumped at the sight of Danny pouring it into his hand.

"Okay, I'm gonna rub this on now and I need you to work with me here. Can you raise your chin for me please?"

Steve blinked at him in wonder. He lifted his chin without a word, and Danny gave him a half hearted smile. Steve froze in his place as Danny gently massaged the conditioner into his beard. His eyes followed Danny's, even as Danny focused on his chin.

Steve was in awe.

Danny would give up half of his favourite conditioner, despite how precious his hair was to him, for Steve. For his beard of all things. And it smelt so much like Danny that it was a little overwhelming. 

"You uh... you don’t have to do this... I can do it myself," Steve muttered.

"Yeah, maybe," was all Danny said back.

Two words. Just two. But with enough quiet emphasis behind that they screamed _d_ _on’t be a fucking idiot Steve of course I'm not letting you hold a blade to your own throat in this condition._ Which wasn't entirely unfair. If the roles were reversed, if Danny felt as utterly useless and betrayed and just _crap_ as Steve did right now, Steve would keep a knife away from him too.

"How'd you know about the conditioner?" Steve asked.

His voice was raspy again, but he had to say something. Danny's free hand was gently tilting his jaw line as his other massaged circles into his cheeks to try and build up a lather. The more it lathered the more it smelt. With Danny right there, so close, touching his cheeks so gently, Steve knew it would linger, which made his stomach knot. This was too painfully intimate to be done in silence. But when Danny gave a soft chuckle it sent a bolt through Steve that made his lungs ache.

"Y’know my uncle vito?" Danny said softly.

Any other time Steve would have said something sarcastic, but there was such a heavy silence around them that it felt as if too much noise would send the building crashing down on their heads again. Instead he swallowed and gave a tentative nod of his head.

"Whoa, okay, don't do that when I've got the knife okay?" Danny warned in a soft but urgent way.

"Um, sorry," Steve gulped.

The more he spoke the more it burned his vocal chords. He felt like his insides were sobbing, but the rest of him hadn’t caught up yet. He couldn't have spoken at a normal volume if he tried. But the softer he spoke, the softer Danny spoke and heavier the silence got.

"I know Vito," Steve muttered.

"Uncle Vito had a buddy - this guy was real shady, I'm pretty sure he used to bribe cops just to stay away from him shop, y’know? But uh, anyway, he had this barber shop and I was a pain in my pop's ass so he asked Vito to ask him if I could get a job sweeping up or something. So I'm this grumpy kid that wants to be out boxing with my friends but I'm stuck working for peanuts sweeping for this guy, and - I dunno, he took a shine to me or something, and he started teaching me about hair and products and how to style good and whatever. And he used to use conditioner as shaving cream to save like a dollar a bottle. Until he got arrested anyway."

"You arrested your boss?"

"Of course I didn’t, what's the matter with you, the man did me a favour. Look at this thing-" Danny stepped back so Steve could admire his hair, "its a masterpiece."

Steve's lungs burned as he forced a soft smile. Danny gave him half a smile back, just because he tried.

"Nah, I didn't arrest him. But the cop who came in- I'm gonna start shaving in a second so you're gonna need to keep still for me-" Danny warned as he wiped his hands clean on a towel.

Steve couldn't speak, so he nodded, which kind of defeated the point. In the calmness of the room and the weight of their situation it wasn't worth bickering over.

"The cop came in arrested me. Made a big show of it cause I was cocky and I was rude, y’know, like an idiot. But his partner came to the shop before and he knew me and he let me go with a warning cause I was just a sweeper. I don't really know why, maybe he pitied me or felt bad about making me unemployed, but he told me that his squad were looking out for new officers, and since I was a cocky little idiot and I wanted money for a change, I joined the academy."

"You became a cop because your hairdressing career went bust?" Steve sounded surprised.

Danny gave a weak chuckle and nodded. "I guess you could say that. Don't tell Odell though."

Steve said nothing as he stared at Danny again. He was wonderstruck. Danny's focus was entirely on Steve's beard. He cupped the back of Steve's neck gently as he cautiously scraped the blade against his cheek. A whole stripe of conditioner and hair scraped away. Danny moved back to rinse it in the basin.

"It's been a while since then. I haven't done this in a long time. Hopefully I've still got the skills. At least I know this product is good," Danny said.

His tone was warm, like it would have come with a chuckle if the two of them weren't in such a delicate calm. It sent another icy bolt through Steve's core though.

Danny cared about three things in this world. His kids, his hair, and his car. Steve had totalled his car multiple times, and often spent weekends with Danny and his kids. Now he was giving up his hair products for Steve too. Like it was nothing. Like it meant nothing.

Steve's fragile heart was already fracturing.

 _Danny_ cared. His best friend cared. He was here - he came all this way, for him. He wasn’t asked to. He wasn’t required to. He just cared.

So why didn't Doris?

Steve had come all this way to rescue her. He had sacrificed his time and risked his safety to bring her home and she pulled a fricking _gun_ on him! She cast him aside like he was nothing to her, _again._

It was wrong. It was unfair. She was his mother. She had carried him for nine months, held him in her arms as he took his first breath, wiped the tears from his cheeks, and now....

Danny's hand paused as he chewed his bottom lip uncertainly. The dried blood across Steve's cheek needed to come off. It needed to. But it was Doris's. Danny wasn't sure why it felt so disrespectful to wash it away, but for some reason it did... But Doris had never done anything to earn his respect anyway so.

"Hold still Steve," Danny murmured.

Steve was still frozen in place anyway. It was only Danny gently adjusting his chin that made him move. But when Steve felt Danny's thumb ever so softly swipe across his cheekbone, scrubbing away the blood, that was it.

His fragile heart shattered.

Steve's sob cracked through his voice and Danny snapped back in surprise. He had been so focused on his beard that he hadn’t noticed the tears swelling in his eyes. Not until they broke free and ran down his cheeks now. Steve's lungs heaved as he let out another low and broken sob.

It happened so quickly. The moment of surprise was shattered and Danny tossed the knife into the sink so he could reach out to Steve. Steve dropped his head forward, face first into Danny's stomach. Danny stepped closer to stop him slipping from his seat. Steve wrapped his arms around Danny's middle, and sobbed again.

Danny's chest ached hard for his partner. He wrapped his arms around Steve's shoulders and tried to double himself over to kiss his hairline. That always helped Grace calm down. He couldn't reach Steve so easily though. He had to settle for cradling him close.

Steve's cries were muffled now. His breath was hot and shaky and his lungs felt like sand paper. Between the half shaved beard, the conditioner, Danny's wet hands, and Steve's tears, the two of them were a mess. Danny didn't care though. He held Steve close, running his hand across his back and shoulders as he cried.

Eventually Steve gasped for air between sobs. His tears ran dry, and his head felt heavy and empty. He felt empty. There was no air left inside him. As he gasped his shaky breaths, it was like the clouds in his head had lifted. There were still there, and still swirling, but they were lighter now.

Hesitantly, Danny peeled back to free Steve. Steve reluctantly released his grip, and his arms crashed down to his lap. His head hung low as he screwed his eyes shut. Steve felt Danny's fingers brush against his chin, just soft enough to turn and raise it. Steve felt too weak to fight. Danny's hand slid down his jawline until it cupped his cheek fully, and he ran a thumb across Steve's cheek bones.

"Let's get you cleaned up huh?" Danny breathed.

Steve took another shaky breath, but he didn’t fight it. He was broken. Utterly broken. There was nothing he could do about it.

Danny ran a warm, damp cloth across Steve's face, carefully trying to clean away the conditioner and the shaved hairs. He had shaved Steve down to bristles, but there was still more to do. It could wait. Everything could wait. Steve was exhausted. Danny's warm cloth ran underneath Steve's eyes, washing away the tears and the blood, even if his face remained red and blotchy for a while.

"I think it's time for bed," Danny muttered softly.

Steve opened his eyes again, and blinked through his damp eyelashes. Danny's face was painted with sympathy. Usually it annoyed Steve when Danny pitied him like this. But Steve ached all over. He didn’t have it in him to be annoyed. He just wanted to wallow in this pity for a while.

Danny sat Steve on the edge of his bed and gently eased his shirt and pants off to swap them for pyjamas. None of Steve's shirts were clean though. They all smelt of sweat and dirt. A horrible perfume that reminded Danny of all the stupid missions that Steve went on. All the covert operations he vanished to, without telling Danny where he was going or if he was safe... Danny hated this smell. So he tossed the shirts aside and decided Steve didn't need one.

"C’mon. Into bed," Danny muttered.

It was like dealing with a very large, slow but obedient toddler. Steve didn’t bother to pull back the covers when he laid down. He was exhausted. Too tired to even keep his eyes open. When Danny leaned over him to try and tuck him in, Steve reached out to pull him closer.

Danny froze for a moment.

Steve wrapped his arms around Danny like he was afraid that if he let go he would lose him. Danny pulled back when he felt his own heart thumping at twice the normal rate.

"Steve?" He muttered.

"Hmm?" Steve hummed.

"I'll sleep on the couch," Danny reminded him.

Steve frowned and shook his head. Quietly he mumbled, "I don't want you to..."

Danny's heart beat hard. He swallowed.

"Okay. Okay, but I gotta get changed first. I'm covered in hair conditioner."

Steve was reluctant to let him go, but his hands slowly slipped away. Danny rolled off of the bed and tugged his shirt off. Steve opened one eye. He tracked Danny across the room as he switched on the bedside lamp and wandered over to close the blinds. He tied away some of the mess they had made while unpacking, and moved their shoes to neatly wait by the door. He rinsed out the basin in the bathroom and firmly shut the door behind him. The knife he left in its sheaf laying on top of the bag on the floor.

Finally, when everything was neatened out and the frantic mess was looking relatively tidy, Danny crawled into bed. He pulled the covers over himself, and over Steve beside him. Steve allowed him to do so. Then Danny gently nudged Steve over onto his side. Steve allowed him to do so. Danny shuffled closer and wrapped his arms across Steve's chest from behind, tugging him so close that Steve could feel Danny's chest against his back.

Steve's stomach dropped.

His chest throbbed in agony at how gently Danny held him close. Danny was much shorter than him, and yet he cradled as much of Steve to him as he possibly could. Steve felt Danny's fingers link through his, and he felt Danny's nose brush against his bare shoulder. His skin prickled as he waited to feel the brush of his lips too...

But Danny didn't risk it.

Instead he let out a quiet yawn that ran hot across Steve's exposed flesh.

In a whisper little more than a breath, he muttered, "I'm right here if you need me Steve."

Steve felt himself flush. His chest felt like there was an anvil sitting on top of it, but he had the firm and stubborn arms of his partner there to stop it crushing him. And he wasn’t going anywhere.

Another tear rolled down Steve's cheek as he realised how endlessly lucky he was that _Danny_ was the one who he still had. Words would never be able to express the utter devotion in Steve's heart for his loud Jersey cop. Right now though, he said the only thing he could think of.

"Thanks Danno..."

Danny hummed quietly and Steve felt the vibration through his back as Danny tugged him closer.

"Go to sleep Steve."

It wasn’t a hard order to obey. Steve was half asleep already. But for the first time in months, the nightmares never came.


End file.
